Stupid on top of more stupid

Lets just say... I messed up. On 2 occasions. In a row... 

Depression and self destructive tendencies never leave my side.

That escalated quickly

So I had a good weekend but a shitty Monday. 

Went to pick up the now ex BF on Friday. Went to the state fair on Saturday. Awesome Seahawks game Sunday. I go home for the night because I work on Monday and a small fit ensues. Monday I send a text with no response all day and then boom, large fit which ended in a breakup. I'm hurting and still getting bitched at because "I didn't spend time with him". I need a guy with ZERO drama and baggage. I'm too old for immature people who are selfish and don't understand that responsible people do responsible things, like sleep because they work in the morning and my place is 15 minutes away from work instead of an hour away and would only get at most 4 hours of sleep. I'm over this.

If your gonna make me out to be a bitch then at least I got to go to a very spendy game and enjoy myself.

Tonight

My guy will be home in minutes and spend the weekend with me and his boy. Just gotta say I'm an excited little girl.

Well...

It feels weird to be all giddy when you have someone you like, like you back, not be around. I'm sad that we don't see eachother like a couple should but I am also extremely happy he is doing something to make his and his child's life better. The emotions are ther but the physical attention is comepletely lost. But once we see eachother, I dunno about him, it's like I don't wanna stop. Can't say for sure that it's all the right call though. There are still some things that raise some flags but those all get shot out the door when I am with him. I just wish his school wasn't so far away.

I have also had my new set of wheels for almost a week now. Took a small trip to the base of Mount St. Helens and it did it's job. Almost at 300 miles on one tank of gas and still have some to spare. I'm really enjoying my Subaru. Still need a name though. Stickers are in the mail so I can add some of my flare to it.

Aside from that, not much has gone down since I last updated. Went to the RedBull soapbox derby that hasn't been in Seattle for 7 years. Made up with the Ex's family and got to see my niece. My BF will be back for a short vacation to see his son, which I would love to see both of them. Really not much else.

Oh and I got a new tattoo, Big sister.

Quick update!

Sean is now my BF! I'm a happy panda!

Post update of my DEN/WYO trip.

Sorry it took me long to post. 

Friday: I worked till 3:30 ish and made my flight about 2 hours early. The flight was running 30 minutes late but I was able to go through the airport just fine. Sean picked me up around 12 am and we went to the hotel he booked in Denver. 

Saturday: The plan was to go to Elitch Gardens/Six Flags with Sean's army buddy and his girl. We left the hotel around 10:30 and made it to the park after getting a bit lost. First roller coaster and I am still not sure how I feel about it. It was really hot so we decided to do a water ride second. As soon as we board it starts raining and we are all soaked head to toe in our normal clothes. We had a beer to try and dry out but the day went to dull weather. We waited super long for the third ride and right after we got off of it it closed down because of lightning storms. We went to get dinner and ate at the Hard Rock and walked around the outside mall. We went Wyoming to Sean's apartment and just chilled.

Sunday: We talked about getting breakfast food and so we drove from Laramie to Fort Collins for IHOP. Picked up some stuff and did an errand and then went right back home. Chilled the rest of the day and tried to eat. By this time I haven't been eating much because my tummy was not happy with me.

Monday: Since Sean had school he left while I was still out. He came home for lunch but had to go back. Once he got home we had to leave to get to the airport. Ended up early again and me having the urge to not go home. But made it back home, safe and sound. 

Most eventful month I think...

I feel like instead of quick notes I'll just rant night... Currently 11:13 pm starting this.

So I think this year so far has been more of a growing experience in some cases, still painful and lonely at times but overall I've learned more about myself in the last 5 or so months than I have in 25 years. 

I guess to start off, it's been my own selfishness and emotional struggle and even now to completely just not have much contact with my EX. Up until a couple months ago, we talked often and saw eachother prolly more than we should. A couple months ago, after the Mountian, I realized that I don't need people telling me what I should do over what I want to do. A large inner battle along with completely ignoring him for a while, I cut off most of what was still connecting us. Meaning he got the Xterra so no more car payment, insurance... unfortunatly the phone stays, cheaper. So since severing those ties, we maybe talk on weekends if that. And in doing so I am able to save up for a vehicle of my own. Though he is helping me make sure I don't rush and mess up anything. But yea, I was putting myself in a constant stress and pain cycle that I think was making it so that I really couldn't move on. There are still strands of that bit but the majority of it is gone, I don't believe I'm the type of person who could stop caring for another person who has had a big impact in my life regardless of it being good or bad.

Couple months ago, me and a few coworkers went to the Mountian Experience. Other than saying it was a very open and personal experience shared with amazing people. I learned that I don't need to carry the weight of fear, anger and all the horrible emotions and stresses that I carry with me. I took myself back from every person I gave a piece of me to and let go of some major pain and suffering that I've carried since I was a child. I'm still practicing the Inquiry Method and keeping what would have bothered me before from sticking. Now it's the easy stuff that you can inquire within a small amount of time. It's the bigger, more mind based stuff that I'm working on. 

I had mentioned that I met a guy in a previous post. Well, met him on OkCupid and luckily was not catfished. We talked for I think 2 weeks or more and met in person. He's great! We hung out for a few weeks while knowing he was going to school out of state pretty quickly. Safe to say I like him a lot. Hell, I'm actually going to fly out and see him in 7 days. It'll be for just the weekend but I feel like he's worth it, and I get to travel to a state(s) I've never been. I'll try to update on the trip because I want to remember it. I think my only hang up on this whole thing is that I don't know where we stand. And once he is done with school, it's possible that some of my personal red flags might go down. Not that any of them are stopping me now really, more future thoughts. 

So, I'm working on buying a vehicle. What I want (basically only option) is a Subaru Crosstrek in the orange color they have. Preferably used so that the initial depreciation is gone. I don't want to pay over $22,000 for it and that's with all the added stuff the dealers throw at you. 

Well, I can't really think of more to talk about. I'm fairly high and extremely tired/awake, yea dunno. Going to try and pass out or something. I'll prolly post more stuff I may have wanted to say tomorrow. Night night!

Start of Summer 2014!

In clip notes:

Met a guy, he's cool. He left for school so I won't see him for a while.

Cut all my hair off and it's orange/red again.

Enjoyed a beautiful wedding!!!

Learning to love myself and not need others to make me happy.

Really gotta start doing this again. It helps get a lot of things off my chest and is easier for family to get details rather than mini posts on Facebook.

Post Extractions

Yesterday was my appointment for my third molar extractions. All four was just too far back and were a pain to keep biting my cheek and try to keep clean. I went to Dr Michael Kelson in Olympia. Aside from telling them I work for Ace Goerig, I was treated kindly and informed about a few things I didn't know myself. My maxillary molars actually grew/pushed into my sinuses, which explains why when I get a cold my teeth hurt. My mandibular molars were right into my nerve branch. All of which were pointed out to me on my pano. He explained what I already knew which was that the lowers needed to be cut and take out in pieces and that my uppers were decent. He explained to me what they were going to do for the surgical process and I was relieved that he was so nice and pretty cool. His staff were very nice and could speak mumble!! 

I got into the chair that I my mind looked an aweful lot like the chairs you see for lethal injections with all the straps. But hey, better than falling off while passed out. All I remember is putting in the IV, a blood pressure strap and oxygen level finger monitor. The about 3 injections later I see the lights blur then black until I wake up in a recliner with a blanket and a ton of gauze in my mouth. I was in and out of sleep for a while. Then my Dad and the Dr. with his assistant came in and chatted about how things went. I was alert enough to ask about my sinus and nerves. But not enough to remember asking if I could keep my little guys. I was helped out to the car where I swear my dad was telling me not to talk because he couldn't understand me. In a way, I'm just sad I wasn't strung out like the funny videos on YouTube. Would have been a laugh for me. 

Yesterday I started my string of antibiotics and pain meds just to get by while the anesthetic wore off. But I was passed out most of the day. Today I woke up a bit sore, didn't feel bad till I tried to open my mouth to take the antibiotics along with my other daily medications. Think once the pain meds wears off this time I'll try some Ibuprofen and Tylonal to see how well it does because I think I may not be able to talk much at work on Monday if I'm sore to open my mouth. 

Anyway, all is good in my perspective. Now for a small laugh hehe.

Well again, long time no post...

Not much has happened on the school end, other than owing and paying about $600 because I stopped going to classes. No big deal for now, I have my tax refund to thank for that though. 

Workwise, things are ok. We have a great team, or so everyone says. I still feel like an outsider from time to time. When I think I'm doing well, I get pulled aside and talked too. We finally got our office pictures done which was kinda poopy since I don't take pictures well. But they look fine. Been really busy and just haven't had time to breathe I think.

Me and the family moved into a bigger apartment. It's nice, I have the master bedroom with my own bathroom. There have been stresses with money when it comes to this place and misunderstandings, but I'm over it. I've kind of had a shitty attitude lately so I've avoided people on purpose. I'm not sure why that is but I'll keep my distance till it passes. 

Not much of a new year but it works for now.

Happy New Year 2014!!!

Its been an eventful year. Completed the dental assistant program at SPSCC and graduated with an Associates in Applied Science Degree and Certificate of Completion. Was hired at an amazing office with wonderful people to work with. Got 2 raises in a matter of 3 months because I work as hard and am at the level of the current assistants. Passed the national boards exam that makes me a certified dental assistant. Overall good year, but I also had some bad times. Broke up with my BF of 6 years, having thyroid issues, in a complicated "thing" with the ex.. 

I'm not sure what 2014 will bring but hopefully the good will outweigh the bad.