So I think this year so far has been more of a growing experience in some cases, still painful and lonely at times but overall I've learned more about myself in the last 5 or so months than I have in 25 years.
I guess to start off, it's been my own selfishness and emotional struggle and even now to completely just not have much contact with my EX. Up until a couple months ago, we talked often and saw eachother prolly more than we should. A couple months ago, after the Mountian, I realized that I don't need people telling me what I should do over what I want to do. A large inner battle along with completely ignoring him for a while, I cut off most of what was still connecting us. Meaning he got the Xterra so no more car payment, insurance... unfortunatly the phone stays, cheaper. So since severing those ties, we maybe talk on weekends if that. And in doing so I am able to save up for a vehicle of my own. Though he is helping me make sure I don't rush and mess up anything. But yea, I was putting myself in a constant stress and pain cycle that I think was making it so that I really couldn't move on. There are still strands of that bit but the majority of it is gone, I don't believe I'm the type of person who could stop caring for another person who has had a big impact in my life regardless of it being good or bad.
Couple months ago, me and a few coworkers went to the Mountian Experience. Other than saying it was a very open and personal experience shared with amazing people. I learned that I don't need to carry the weight of fear, anger and all the horrible emotions and stresses that I carry with me. I took myself back from every person I gave a piece of me to and let go of some major pain and suffering that I've carried since I was a child. I'm still practicing the Inquiry Method and keeping what would have bothered me before from sticking. Now it's the easy stuff that you can inquire within a small amount of time. It's the bigger, more mind based stuff that I'm working on.
I had mentioned that I met a guy in a previous post. Well, met him on OkCupid and luckily was not catfished. We talked for I think 2 weeks or more and met in person. He's great! We hung out for a few weeks while knowing he was going to school out of state pretty quickly. Safe to say I like him a lot. Hell, I'm actually going to fly out and see him in 7 days. It'll be for just the weekend but I feel like he's worth it, and I get to travel to a state(s) I've never been. I'll try to update on the trip because I want to remember it. I think my only hang up on this whole thing is that I don't know where we stand. And once he is done with school, it's possible that some of my personal red flags might go down. Not that any of them are stopping me now really, more future thoughts.
So, I'm working on buying a vehicle. What I want (basically only option) is a Subaru Crosstrek in the orange color they have. Preferably used so that the initial depreciation is gone. I don't want to pay over $22,000 for it and that's with all the added stuff the dealers throw at you.
Well, I can't really think of more to talk about. I'm fairly high and extremely tired/awake, yea dunno. Going to try and pass out or something. I'll prolly post more stuff I may have wanted to say tomorrow. Night night!
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